It was late 2008 when
my aunt fell sick. I had finished my third year studying in Congo. My home area
was torn down apart by war, but my school district was safe.
My family and I agreed
when I finished my nurses training that I should go to Uganda for a break
and to visit my aunt.
However, after several
expensive check-ups, my aunt’s bone marrow test revealed a cancer called Multiple
Myeloma. It was very sad! Indeed I cried. At first, her husband kept the results
to himself!
With my little
knowledge of medicine, I suspected that something serious was going on. I listed all the symptoms and signs of the disease
that I had been seeing in my aunt. I sat
down at the computer to search for information. It took me a long time, for I was the main carer and
to some extent I wasn’t familiar with searching on computer.
Two months later, her
condition worsened. The husband remained silent. If I knew how to break the bad
news, I would have told my aunt myself. By that time, I had read all about Multiple
Myloma.
I continued grieving alone. Every time I entered into her room my eyes
were red. No one realised the cause of my sadness, but one evening my aunt
asked me, “Why are your eyes red?”
I replied that I was lighting
the fire.Then she replied, “liar”.
She then added “Life is a journey, I am about to complete mine; my children are
young, please wherever you will be, don’t forget your cousins.”
I burst into tears. I knew she
was right.
Her husband finally broke
the bad news to the family when she was close to death, and then everybody in
the family was angry with him. It
distressed me and the rest of the family that he chose to keep silent, and I
believe that has led to hatred among them. Normally the patient’s beloved ones want to see and care for their
patient up to the end. It is healing for them. Once they know patient’s condition
they prefer to pour out their love and effort to the patient and be near the
patient. Many would have travelled from Congo to say some last words.
One month after her
death, her second to youngest girl (11 years old), who was still in P6 and used to
be very close to her mother, suddenly
said, “I wish you had explained my mother’s condition; I had many things to
tell her”.
We all kept quiet.
Patients know their
bodies better than we do. Although the husband kept the diagnostic for himself still
the aunty knew everything. We should respect patient autonomy and integrity,
for it is their right and it reduces the family’s expectations for recovery.
Telling the truth helps the family and patient have a realistic expectations and begin to get
used to the idea that their loved one is dying.
Eventually she died
peacefully on 26th December 2008, under Hospice care after
experiencing all the symptoms I had read on the internet. Up to today caring
for a similar case is extremely upsetting, so I always refer it to my colleagues.
Caring for my aunt,
roused my love and compassion for those who are dying. I asked a nurse, Florence
from Hospice, if she could take me as a volunteer. She said yes.
That was great news
for me. She was a very courageous nurse. She was the main nurse who cared for
my aunt up to the end. Even if we called at night, she would respond.
Such care really
surprised the whole family because we were foreigners in Uganda, and there was
a big language barrier. The care boosted my desire and energy to work in
Hospice, and Florence advised me to write a distinct C .V. I couldn’t speak English so that advice discouraged me.
Despite my limits in writing and reading English, one Tuesday I brought my C .V to
the volunteer coordinator, Ms.Catherine. She gave me the form to fill in and asked me to choose the programmes. I preferred Tuesday and Thursday, since I was
still taking care of my cousins. I returned home and the following day, I was
in Hospice.
What a beautiful team
to work with!
There was a team leader
nurse Charlotte who would make fun of me because I couldn’t express myself in English,
but that was not an issue for me. I was so focused on understanding the
clinical skill in Palliative care.
One Thursday I sat
beside an old and well-dressed beautiful woman in the case conference (a forum
where you discuss patients and learn from each other). She asked me one
question; I couldn’t get what she was saying. First of all, she was a foreigner, speaking with an English accent.
Secondly she asked me who I was. Immediately she realized that my accent was
different. She continued, “where are you from?” I replied quietly, “from Congo”.
Only later would I find out that I met Dr Anne Merriman.
Some day later, she
started looking for me at Hospice. Unfortunately she had forgotten my name and
all other details. She kept looking for me as a Nigeria lady, no one was
helping her, and there were many volunteers. We could meet in the compound but
still I dodged her because of fear.
Surprisingly, one day
we met face to face and she shouted, “Here she is”. Oh oh I got scared. But being
a very wise woman, she was able to read my fear; she held my hands. Peacefully
we walked into her office and she served me a cup of tea, which reduced my
anxiety. Amazingly, she called the very nurse Florence who was the health
service coordinator and indeed she knew me better than others. My heart beat
increased and I sweated everywhere. We had a brief interview, and she took my
photo. Meanwhile, I had a lot of fear because my visa had expired and my aunt’s
condition took a lot of money. However,
aunt’s husband promised to pay the visa later when we had a bit settled after her
loss. We separated, and she told me to let her know if I am to leave Uganda. Of
course, I went back to Congo. I had a fiancé
who couldn’t wait so he got another woman.
It was really a dilemma
for me because I had to care for my aunty.
It really disturbed me psychologically when I reached Congo, and so soon
I returned to Uganda and wrote to Anne.
I continued with my volunteer
work. One morning her personal secretary called me to pass on Anne‘s message
that she had got a sponsor for me and that I should be ready to start an
initiator course for 5 weeks. As soon as I got an email from my sponsor asking me to write briefly how I came to Uganda and a history of
my family and enclose my photo.
Hospice has 3
different sites. One of the sites was lacking a nurse, so I was sent to support
as a locum. Unfortunately I wasn’t qualified to work without the consent of nurses’
council (registration) and work permit
because I am a foreigner. I was called back
for interview and internship in National Referral Hospital( Mulago) and finally
got my registration from nurses council; I scored 81%.
Soon after I become
Hospice staff. I was quite happy and afterwards enrolled for long clinical
diploma course, sponsored by Hospice Africa France, led by Mr.Jim Benneth.
I would like to
express my sincere gratitude to Professor Anne and Jim and Florence. They made me who I am; I got a lot of
opportunities that I wouldn’t otherwise have had. I can’t mention all but it
has shaped my life history.
ehospice would like to
congratulate Sylvia on her recent graduation and wish her all the very best in
the coming years.
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