Death is always difficult but it can be especially challenging for a young child. Many children often experience the death of a loved one or someone important to them, and need an opportunity to work through their bereavement. Keeping the person who has died memories alive can often provide comfort to the child and parent. Remembering by Dianne Leutner allows for intimate reflection for these children who have lost a loved one.
‘Remembering’ which went into second print in 2014 and was awarded ‘Highly Commended’ in the BMA Patient Information Awards 2010 is a wonderful way for adults to spend quality time with a bereaved child and encourage conversation and expression of their feelings.
“I’m sorry that someone very special in your life has died. You’re probably missing this person very much,” are the beautiful opening lines of this thoughtful book. The exquisitely illustrated book starts by encouraging the child to name and draw a picture of the person who has died. The following sections of the book focus on helping the child remember the person who has died. The child is encouraged to remember special memories shared with the person who has died. They are encouraged to draw any special activities they enjoyed doing with the person, music and smells that remind the child of the person, and lastly things they will never forget about the person.
The next section focuses on saying goodbye. The child is given the opportunity to give an account in their own words of the day they said goodbye to their special person. They are then encouraged to reflect on their lives before and after the person died, and the things they enjoy doing now. Remembering the past and looking at the present will help the child realise that although their special person has died and their lives have changed, they are still able to enjoy life. The book closes with focusing on the important issue of family beliefs. Here the child explains what they think happens when a person dies.
“It’s quite normal to feel upset. It’s a bit like having a cloud hanging over you that nobody else can see. Other people who have had someone die might have a cloud as well. After a while it will blow away and it’s lovely and light again. Sometimes at the most unexpected times that cloud comes back and casts a shadow but usually it soon blows away again. Hopefully one day those shadows will fade and you can smile and think of the lovely memories you have.” This beautiful memory book was illustrated by award winning cartoonist Daniel Postgate and is meant for the age group 4 – 12. Many hospitals and hospices are already using the book, and it is available from Child Bereavement UK, where they post internationally.
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