Last orders please …

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“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, camera, action … I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing Mr Lonely. I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce’s.”

Joan Rivers’ last wishes got people at Palliative Care Australia thinking. How might they like to be sent off? Here are a few responses from our normally demure workmates.

You can take the girl out of Queensland but … I want my ashes scattered on holy ground – the field at Lang Park (to the uninitiated, Brisbane’s home of rugby league and, interestingly enough, site of the city’s early cemetery) – and Highway to Hell to be the final song at whatever my funeral might be.

Not sure yet what I want. But not afraid anymore.

The big bang theorist … I want to be cremated, then have my ashes put into the biggest firecracker and be sent off with a big bang … and Spirit in the Sky playing loud enough to wake the dead!

The closet exhibitionist … working on my list. Bury me in my red boots?

Last but not least, a bit of boogie piano as a parting shot.

ehospice regularly encourages its readers to talk about death and dying. How would you like to mark your passing? Let us know.

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