Posted on the Huffington Post website, the author recounts her experiences of seeing her father and several close friends die over the past three years.
“None of us wants to think about our own deaths,” she writes, “so preparing for that day is something most of us do not want to do.”
She asks: “Have we done what we need to do to protect the people closest to us who will be left behind? Are our spouses, our children, or are partners prepared to make important decisions on our behalf, and have we given them clear instructions for doing so? Is it fair to ask them to make those difficult decisions at the height of their pain and grief? What can we do now as a last act of love to help ease their pain when we are gone?”
Nancy says that her father made his end of life wishes very clear. He wanted to die at home, and to be cremated, or to be buried in the least expensive way possible in his casual clothes, “he did not want a fuss made over him,” she recalls.
And because her father had spelled out his wishes in such detail, Nancy says that they were able to concentrate on spending his last days and weeks with him, rather than worrying about what they needed to do.
Her father was suffering from terminal cancer and was very sure that he did not want to live in pain. This was achieved, but not in the home setting he had hoped for.
In order to uphold his ultimate wish to “above all make your mother happy”, Nancy and her family made the difficult decision for her dad to be admitted to a hospice centre attached to the local hospital. He died surrounded by his family and was buried in a suit – a recent Father’s Day gift from one of his children.
They also chose to “make a fuss”, with a big celebration of his life to honor the legacy of someone they “deeply loved and admired.”
Nancy has experienced two further unexpected deaths of close friends in recent years. She remembers hearing anxious discussions between family members after the deaths:
“Did she have life insurance, a will, or funeral plans?”
“Where do you keep your important records?”
“Where are the keys to the safe?”
“Every adult, regardless of age and level of health, should discuss basic end-of-life decisions with the people they love,” writes Nancy.
The article addresses some of these practical issues such as the need to leave a financial Will and important documents in a place where family members can easily find them, including your funeral plans.
Other considerations include:
- Do you want to be cremated or buried? If buried, where? If cremated, who should keep your remains, or should they be scattered? Where?
- Do you want a memorial service, a simple graveside service with close family, or a large “Celebration of Life” party? If so, where?
- Do you have favorite songs, readings or quotes you want to share with the mourners who love you?
You can read the full blog post on the Huffington Post website.
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