Michelle Ttoffali
When the Ttoffali family from East London lost someone very dear to them, social distancing meant that many people were unable to offer their support in person. They have since found comfort in a tribute fund created for the late and much-loved Michelle Ttoffali.
Michelle was just 45 years old when she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, which had reached her spine and ribs. Michelle’s husband, Chris, recollected how his wife’s initial reaction to her diagnosis wasn’t to question how long until she had to die, but how long she could live.
Michelle, who had worked in education for her entire career, took solace in the fact that treatment was available, and people had lived for many years with the same illness. She underwent medical trials, changed her diet, and researched natural remedies that she could use alongside her chemotherapy. “She was a rock throughout and did everything she could to extend her life,” Chris remembered.
After responding well to treatment for over four years, tests revealed that the cancer had spread further to her brain. Michelle took the decision to die at Saint Francis Hospice for the sake of her children, Lydia and Sia, aged eight and twelve. Two weeks later, on Sia’s birthday, the Hospice at Home team broke the news to Chris that Michelle was showing all the signs that her passing was imminent.
“I didn’t know what to expect when I got to the hospice,” Chris admitted. “I certainly didn’t anticipate beautiful gardens. It was so peaceful. The nurses told me exactly what to expect and when — right up to Michelle’s last breaths, which prepared me for when that moment came.”
Michelle died peacefully at the hospice in May. She was 50 years old. “Even though we were at the hospice for less than a day, I’ll never forget the care and dignity the nurses gave her,” Chris said. “We were able to spend our last moments together in the privacy that we needed.”
Due to social distancing rules, only 10 people could attend Michelle’s funeral, so Chris set up an online tribute fund for those who couldn’t be present but wanted to celebrate Michelle’s life. “I put the whole order of service on the page so that people could play the songs and read the poems we had chosen for the funeral from their homes,” Chris explained.
As well as raising funds, the online tribute page lets people sign in anytime to share messages, photos, music and videos. They can also light a virtual candle, and post updates and details of events to be held in the memory of the person who has died.
Michelle’s friends and family have been using the tribute page to share stories and videos in her memory. “Michelle brought laughter, joy, love and friendship to many,” Chris said. “Her smile and love for life would light up the room, and her spirit will always be with us.”
More information
Dying Matters is a campaign run by Hospice UK that works to create an open culture that talks about death, dying and bereavement.
- Help us break the taboo around death – join us today by visiting the Dying Matters website
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