“I’m going to place some pebbles in my running vest to represent the weight of carrying grief,” 

Shares 23-year-old Courtney Rogers, who lives in Barton-le-Clay, as she prepares to join thousands of runners for this year’s TCS London Marathon on Sunday, 26 April, raising money for Sue Ryder in her dad’s memory.

Courtney was aged just 21 when her dad was diagnosed with cancer for the second time.  “From what I was told by Dad, when he was 19, he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He had radiotherapy and was given the all clear by the age of 21. He felt invincible after that, like he could do anything,” Courtney explains.

But in December 2023, shortly after Courtney’s 21st birthday, her dad Damien started experiencing delirium. By Christmas, he had deteriorated, and he spent the next two months going back and forth to the hospital for tests.

“In February, following a CT scan, it was confirmed Dad had bowel cancer. It was a terrible time. I couldn’t have Dad dying in a hospital ward in front of so many people. We fought for a private room, but not even that felt enough for Dad.

“The hospital palliative care team came to see us and told us that there was a space for Dad at Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice, and we jumped at the chance.”

Courtney’s dad spent just 24 hours at the Moggerhanger Sue Ryder hospice. He died, aged only 49, on 27 February 2024, 11 days from diagnosis.

She shares what the care meant to her: “When we arrived, the Sue Ryder Nurses made sure Dad was made comfortable. He wasn’t connected to any machines anymore, which was really nice because we could see him as himself, without all the medical equipment.

“On the wall, there was a whiteboard that said ‘Welcome to Sue Ryder, Damien’ with a smiley face. In hospitals, it’s usually very clinical and formal, but at the hospice, it felt much more personal and welcoming. It helped us relax and feel like we could just be there as his family supporting him.”

She continues: “Dad was in a lot of pain, so we stepped out of the room so the nurses could help him, and when we walked back in, his face had completely changed. He looked like a completely different person; more relaxed and at peace.”

Courtney shares how it was the little things that made a big difference: “A nurse took a print of Dad’s finger for us, and after he had died, my auntie had it tattooed on her with Dad’s writing next to it. It was something very personal and meaningful.

“The hospice also helped me with the practical things – I was still so young – and I had never experienced anything like this before. I was given a ‘what to expect leaflet’ which helped me to prepare for what was going to happen to Dad, and they explained what I needed to do for Dad’s funeral.”

“Experiencing hospice care has left our family with a lifetime of gratitude for Sue Ryder, and just a couple of months after Dad died, to mark what would have been his 50th birthday, I held my first fundraiser for the charity, raising £500. I also did a skydive,” Courtney adds.

In addition, to support her through her grief, Courtney turned to Sue Ryder’s online bereavement services. Through this, it was suggested she go out for a run, and from there her passion has grown, ultimately leading her to apply for a place in the London Marathon.

“I felt like it was my responsibility to navigate through my grief, and I found that running helped me to do that. It stops me from dwelling on the past, it clears my head and helps me think more clearly,” explains Courtney.

“I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the marathon training, mainly because of the number of miles involved, but I think that if I can navigate the last two years after losing my dad. I can get through this marathon.”

“I do my long runs on the weekend, and I recently completed my longest run ever, reaching the half-marathon distance.”

Talking about why London, she adds, “The London Marathon feels special because of its iconic status. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I watched the London Landmarks Half Marathon last year, and the atmosphere was amazing. I can only imagine what it will be like on London Marathon day in the city.”

Courtney will be running in memory of her Dad Damien 

“Dad would think I was absolutely bonkers, but at the same time, he would be buzzing for me and really proud, telling all of his friends and family about it.”

Around 16 friends and family members will support Courtney on the day, and she hopes seeing familiar faces along the course will give her extra motivation.

Courtney will not only be running with her dad in her mind but will also dedicate the marathon to some of her friends whose family members have died.

To support Courtney’s fundraising visit: justgiving.com/page/courtney-rogers-2 

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Lead photo:Courtney hopes to raise £2000 for Sue Ryder