For my wife and I, our second baby was supposed to be easier. We felt that the trials and tribulations of raising our first child would have prepared us for our second child. We had the crib, clothes, and the knowledge of what is to be expected. We were even naive enough to think that we could handle anything. But what happens when you are given the news that your baby, your brand new, not even born yet, baby is going to die? This is what my wife and I were told seven months into our pregnancy. The preparation for a “normal” child is taken away from you and you are forced to live in a world of uncertainty and despair. How do you care for a child who is not going to live?
The answer to that question is simple. With love.
The time that we were given with our sweet little angel was precious and we treated it that way. We spent as much time holding him, talking to him, and treating him like he was a “normal” child. But what is normal? We were given just over a month to care for our sweet little soul, who depended on us for anything and everything. We changed him when needed, we fed him when he was hungry, and we held him when he was upset. Is this not the norm for all newborns? With the exception of knowing that we had a limited amount of time the care that we gave our son was no different to that of our first born.
Our son’s death, though pre-determined, came on quickly and was more difficult than words can describe. The care that was provided to him during his last moments was the same as the care that he received during his first moments. The love and care did not change based on his short life. His family, friends, and health care providers knew what the outcome would be but we as a family refused to provide him with anything less than normal care. We treated his short life as if he would live forever.
Though this did not change the outcome, we have been able to have peace of mind that he died with the best possible care we could give him.
That is what he deserved.
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