25 yrs after 9/11: A psychologist first responder reflects on her professional and personal journey

I will never forget the little boy who grasped my bear, dressed in its Red Cross shirt, pressed it to his chest and asked, “Will he bring my daddy back?” Nor will I forget the firefighter watching nearby who protested, “Wait a minute, Dr. Judy. I want a bear too.”

I happily gave one to him – and to others! He was right. Adults need bears too.

After the attacks, people constructed memorial walls covered with photographs of lost loved ones, bears, flowers, and flags, as another way to feel comforted and connected.

An “anniversary reaction” occurs around the date of a past traumatic or emotionally charged event. The date becomes a “marker” that can trigger emotional, behavioral, cognitive, interpersonal, social, or spiritual responses.

Happy markers — a wedding, graduation, birth, or major success–– can stimulate pleasure chemicals in the brain and positive emotions. Painful markers such as divorce, death, or job loss can get lodged in the body and memory to an even stronger degree than happy ones, disrupting our alignment and well-being.

Like for most events, the first, fifth, tenth and twentieth anniversaries of 9/11 all got some special public attention. Now, the 25th is being given particular significance, especially since it falls during America’s 250th anniversary year – another national marker, although a celebratory one.

I was not there when the country was born, but I was there the day after the 9/11 attacks.

Right after the towers fell, I began serving as a Red Cross mental health volunteer. I was assigned to the “pit” at Ground Zero: the massive void left by the collapsed towers. It was filled with smoke, dust, debris, and, horrifically, human remains. Also called the “pile,” it was also a tomb for those who perished.

I chose the night shift because years of hosting late-night radio talk shows and playing in a band made those hours familiar. Each evening, I walked the perimeter of the pit alongside police officers, firefighters, rescue and construction workers, and utility crews. Our assignment as mental health professionals was to hand out water, apples, and candy, as well as warm socks, gloves, and sweaters when the recovery stretched months into the chillier autumn.

I can still picture sitting beside an FBI agent on the broken stoop of a building adjacent to the pit, talking about hypothetical investigations and very real feelings. He gave me his cap that I cherish to this day, like all items from significant experiences that take on special value.

One morning, as dawn was breaking and I was making my way to the subway to get home, an electrical company trolley passed. The driver called out to me, “Dr. Judy, can I give you a lift?”

“Sure,” I answered.

The trolley swerved repeatedly. “See those white objects on the ground,” he said. “I have to be careful. Those are bone fragments from people who didn’t make it.”

I covered my eyes in upset.

It was only one of many deeply emotional sharing on those days.

To ease the tension during shifts, a respite center had been set up at the adjacent Marriott hotel where responders could watch TV, get a massage, or sink into an oversized chair.

During many long nights, firemen – who knew “Dr. Judy” — invited me into the firehouse near the pit. They often ended up asking me questions about sex, or joking about sex, since they knew I was not only a clinical psychologist but a sex therapist. This was healthy since humor — and laughing about sex – offers a needed break from misery and a welcome reprieve from relentless sadness.

After our mental health shifts, a mental health supervisor would lead a “debriefing” session that always included the question, “What are you doing for your own mental health?” Most volunteers said they collapsed into bed and tried to fall asleep despite anxiety and past intrusive nightmares. Many took a bath. I called my mother, whose unwavering empathetic ear and loving heart never failed to comfort me.

Because I was well-known through all my media work, the Red Cross asked me to appear in their television and newspaper campaign thanking recovery workers from different fields. Beneath my photograph, the words read, “All my years as a psychologist giving advice on the radio can’t compare to September 11.”

The first anniversary of 9/11 was understandably momentous, personally and publicly. I returned to Ground Zero for the memorial service. A long ramp led down into the pit where families, responders, and politicians gathered. Two students, Deborah and Russell, who had taken my class at Columbia University Teachers College, came with me.

The song, called “Towers of Light,” is named for the two beams that echo the actual Towers in shape that shine annually over Ground Zero where the Twin Towers fell. The music video from the 20th anniversary is at https://youtu.be/1rEsmrHdshc?feature=shared

Research and experience show that music and art can foster communication, connection, and healing. In diplomacy, they are tools of “soft power” grounded in empathy, communication, and empowerment in contrast to “hard power” using coercion, force, and overpowering. That is why my psychosocial resilience trainings and workshops include activities focused on creating artwork and music.

Over time, Russell became my best friend and music writing partner and joined me frequently at post-disaster sites around the world, contributing his inspiring music. This work aligns with my current focus on “cultural diplomacy” and projects with Women4Diplomacy International which I co-founded with the former Ambassador of Hungary to the UN, Her Excellency Katalin Bogyay. This approach also perfectly aligns for her, as President of the Hungarian National Association of UNESCO (the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization), a specialized agency of the UN aimed at promoting world peace and security through international cooperation in education, the sciences, and culture. Our Arts4Peace events in Hungary feature music and art for understanding and peace, with guest ambassadors displaying art from their country and reciting a national poem. Last year, I chose Sylvia Plath’s poem “The Bell Jar” (in her book of that name). This year, I chose Sara Tisdale’s “There Will Come Soft Rains” for its message about peace, specifically that nature survives harmoniously when humans destroy everything through war.

All these experiences recall the lessons from 9/11 about terrorism and war, and about peace and harmony.

One major silver lining from the terrorist attacks has been the friendship and creative collaboration with Russell, who has a heart of gold, brilliant mind, and exceptional talent. His kindness and loyalty is also extraordinary. Since 9/11, we have participated in many conferences, events, and concerts around the world and performed the “Towers of Light” song over 150 times, on five continents. This includes appearances in Mexico, South Africa, Russia, Sweden, and Japan. Audiences and venues have ranged widely, from New York City’s Times Square to United Nations conferences, psychology congresses, religious centers, interfaith and peace celebrations, business boardrooms, and memorials. These are particularly rewarding as they created a bridge between cultures – which is central to my work at the UN and my commitment since childhood to make a difference in the world. Details of the journey of this song are in another of my BlackTie columns at https://blacktiemagazine.com/Judy_Kuriansky/Towers_of_Light.htm

One of my most memorable experiences of the silver lining of the dark cloud of 9/11 was our performance of the “Towers of Light” song at the First Hiroshima International Peace Summit, onstage with three Nobel Peace Prize laureates — His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Reverend Emeritus Desmond Tutu and Betty Williams. After the performance, the Dalai Lama took Russell’s hands in his and said, “Powerful, very powerful”. Later we sang for the Laureates at an invited luncheon.

Increased closeness with family and friends is another silver lining. Research shows the importance of friends and family to physical, mental and spiritual health. On a peace walk with colleagues from Maine to Washington, D.C., the answer people most often gave to what makes them happy was “family.” My study results on positive outcomes from the COVID pandemic likewise found that people valued spending more time with family and friends.

That truth was certainly evident in one of our performances for a 9/11 memorial at the UN Church Chapel, where Ellie and Sylvia came — Russell and my mothers.

Such memorials also consolidated closeness with Haitian and Japanese colleagues and friends, and new ones formed around the world through healing events.

Anniversaries that trigger memories of tragedy and death can also unleash comfort, healing, and even joy. Reunions with those who have shared the drastic experience are one way to transform a trauma.

Consistent with this, I always attended ceremonies at local firehouses in New York City, since I had spent a lot of time at the firehouse across from the pit after the disaster

When public commemoration diminish on the years between major anniversaries, survivors and responders can feel forgotten. That is why I was particularly upset by the comparatively muted 11th anniversary of 9/11, when a major public official was quoted as saying that we should get over it. I wrote an op-ed, entitled “Psychologist Laments Lackluster 9/11 Memorials. One first responder and mental health expert says more remembrance needed, posted on 9/11, 2012, by ABC News (https://abcnews.go.com/Health/psychologist-laments-lackluster-911-memorials/story?id=17207164).

Patriotic and military gatherings bring me comfort, especially as I was brought up as an “Army brat” — a child of the military (my father being an Army captain and dentist stationed in Fort Campbell, Kentucky).

My first responder work began well before 9’11, actually in 1989 when the earthquake happened in San Francisco, although I have to credit 9/11 for the huge escalation of these efforts. I remember a powerful question I asked of survivors after that earthquake, that I emphasized to my viewers on the television show I was hosting on CNBC-TV entitled “Money and Emotions.” The question was: “If a disaster hit, what one thing would you be sure to take?” The answer reveals what is most important to you. Besides grabbing IDs like passports, many people mentioned they would save family photographs.

After 9/11, I went on to provide psychosocial resilience trainings and workshops that I designed, at many sites in my country and all over the world. Reactions of people and the need for psychosocial help are similar in any crisis, so I conducted these in very diverse settings. These included after natural disasters (Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana, earthquakes in Haiti, China and Iran, and the tsunami in Sri Lanka), “man-made disasters” like school shootings (Sandy Hook elementary school), a combination of a natural disaster and nuclear accident (in Japan), and epidemics (AIDS, COVID-19, and Ebola. Never afraid, I even went to Ebola-stricken West Africa during the height of the outbreak.

Key to recovery is boosting resilience – the ability to bounce back from any problem. Called “resilience and empowerment” workshops, my interventions and unique techniques (using art, and even movement and games) boost those two skills and qualities. For example, in one activity, you bounce a ball and see how it – like you – can bounce back. Then, you bounce it higher and notice how you can catch it. The exercise becomes a demonstration of your capacity and confidence to cope.

To ensure the cultural relevance of my psychosocial trainings and workshops, we collaborate with local artists and experts. For example, before going to help after the first earthquake in Haiti, we met with, and “jammed” (spontaneously improvising music) with Haitian musicians to determine appropriate beats and words for our recovery song “Rebati” (meaning Build Back Better). In St Martin, after the hurricane, we invited the head of Culture for the Ministry, Clara Reyes, to teach a local song. Russell even led a session with the children to write their own song based on the country’s theme to “Build Back Better” including the refrain, “Everything we do, we do with hope.”

9/11 has global meaning, since not only for Americans, but people around the world, were affected. People from other countries died in the attacks and responders came from other countries. As my training and workshops continue to develop after 9/11, they increasingly took on a global perspective. As described above, we developed many relationships with international artists, interestingly, many who are Japanese. This is consistent with the fact that I spent 20 years on many visits to Japan, including because my radio show was syndicated there on Ysen 440 radio, and my relationship books were translated into Japanese for which I did book tours and speeches at public venues and universities throughout the country.

One of my intentions was to connect the kids globally, so they know they are in a global world. I accomplished this by activities that demonstrate their connections to others far away, giving mutual support. In one of these activities, schoolchildren in a New York City school drew greeting cards which we brought to kids we were going to work with in Haiti. In another one of my activities, I show a world map to the group of children, for them to locate where kids in other countries far away were also going through the same trauma as they were (an earthquake, flood, or epidemic). The kids always showed great interest and glee.

People often ask me if I get tired helping. I never do, even after being on the air for years five nights a week for three hours offering advice to callers. Research links volunteerism and altruism shows with benefits to physical and psychological well-being, including stimulating opiates in the brain and a stronger sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

But research shows that helpers can also need help.

For years, I have been attending annual examinations through the World Trade Center Health Program at the Selikoff Centers for Occupational Health Department of Environmental Medicine and Public Health at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, which is offered to all first responders. I learned about this program at meetings of Voices Center for Resilience, which supports survivors, holds annual three-day conferences every 9/11, offers mental health support during the year, and maintains the 9/11 Living Memorial digital archive. The Center was valiantly founded by Mary Felchet, who lost her son that fateful day and transformed her grief into service for others. It was at one of their meetings that I found out about the Victim Compensation Fund that led me to the Barasch & McGarry firm that handles cases of medical conditions from 9/11 exposure.

The annual health form includes a long mental health questionnaire, which I routinely ignored. That changed over time and peaked upon learning that one of my psychologist colleagues and friends, Sharon Brennan — with whom I had just enjoyed watching dolphins in the Water Park in Disneyland when at a psychology conference in Orlando — had died from her 9/11-related illnesses.

My mental resolve was finally shaken when shortly before the anniversary of 9/11 in 2024, I checked the box “yes” indicating interest in mental health support and was assigned a psychologist who understood my experience, as she also works with firefighters who had responded that day.

Going public about checking that box was a big step. A Washington Post reporter I was working with on a story asked me if she could interview me about why a counselor would need counseling. See:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/when-the-counselor-needs-help-i-didnt-get-a-chance-to-really-digest-911/2021/09/09/0caef27e-1184-11ec-882f-2dd15a067dc4_story.html

I was soon especially grateful that I had sought help. Two months after 9/11 in 2024, a routine dermatology skin check uncovered a tiny but suspicious spot on my chest that upon biopsy turned out to be skin cancer. Fortunately, I had emergency surgery to remove the lesion, and the final pathology report said it was benign. But that has not stopped my worry, since innumerable responders have developed different kinds of 9/11-related cancers and also an increasing number tragically die.

As a pioneer in what is called “media psychology” (creating public awareness of psychological principles and advice), I know the power of media to communicate, educate, and heal from personal or wider crises. With that in mind, I have written many articles of coping advice for local and international print outlets ranging from the Mountain Eagle in Alabama to the South China Morning Post and German Max Magazine, and been interviewed on many local and international media outlets from local news to UN TV, Alhurra TV, TNT in Türkiye, and CCTV in China. On the China TV “Dialogue” show, I showed my cherished bear — that I had from my service at Ground Zero — to the interviewer, Yang Rui, who told me casually that his son would be amused by it, so I gifted it to him because he was a friend and because I wanted his young son to be educated about what happened on 9/11.

For the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I co-hosted an hour-long special on RLTV, focusing on the crash into a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania of United Airlines 93 that the hijackers likely intended to hit the US Capitol. Instead, it was foiled by the brave passengers, one of whom famously said, “Let’s roll.” I was especially honored to tell this story because it receives less attention than the Twin Towers attacks.

The upcoming days surrounding September 11 will be full. I expect sadness but also some celebration. I will participate again in the three-day conference organized by the VOICES Center for Resilience. I was even selected to be interviewed for the oral archive (friends and family do the interviews to create a sense of intimacy; Russell will interview me). I expect to join a webinar on mental health hosted by the World Trade Center Health Program. The afternoon and evening will be more festive: a concert by the Philharmonic at 3:30 PM, organized by PAC NY (the Perelman Arts Center) and an evening gala by WABC radio and the Pataki Center. To Russell and my delight, we are also invited to perform the “Towers of Light” song at St. Marks Episcopal Church in the Bowery st an afternoon concert organized by our friend Reverend T.K. Nakagaki, a Buddhist priest with whom we have done concerts here and in Japan over many years.

Sunday is back to remembrance, when I will attend a performance of “Come From Away,” a Broadway hit musical a few years ago that tells the true story of 7,000 stranded airline passengers welcomed by the small town of Gander, Newfoundland, after U.S. airspace closed on September 11, 2001. This event is another hosted by PAC NY. I had seen the show years ago, at the invitation of my good friend Lois Young, then Belize’s Ambassador to the United Nations, at an opening hosted by Canada Mission to the UN.

Events related to the issues surrounding 9/11 will continue to come up in months and years to come. Already, Russell and I were invited to perform “Towers of Light” at the peace festival organized by our friend Paul Sladkus for his Good News broadcast, to occur in New York City’s Times Square later in September. Also, my good friend and colleague Darlyne Nemeth, a neuropsychologist with whom I have co-authored several books on disaster and environmental protection, invited me to reprise the workshop I conducted with her several times for the community’s recovery from Hurricane Katrina, now planned as a “Remembrance and Recovery Workshop” on the occasion of the 10th anniversary of The Great Flood of 2016, to take place this October 13 in Baton Rouge Louisiana. Even though many people have recovered physically, not everyone has recovered emotionally; thus, the workshop is for individuals who want to rebuild, restore, and recover their emotional resiliency.

Also, my four C’s are simple: be calm, make connections, seek comfort and share caring.

Specific tips:

References

*Towers of Light” music video for 9/11 healing: https://youtu.be/EQHwWP_ajtk?si=Sn6kC2KiarBWzsm4

*“Hope is Alive” music video for Ebola healing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkLbxn2Irrw

*Transforming Trauma to Healing, Hope and Happiness.Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfdJ9jAomMw

*Psychosocial issues healing from Ebola:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaqPpg4Q83s

* Sint Maarten: Dr. Judy’s trauma training for children coping:https://youtu.be/pVV1x7I_Ru8

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