Amminiyamma(name changed) was a normal old aged woman, for me. She was even a hindrance because of her slow walking with the support of sticks, when I was in a hurry for the work on a Monday morning. I used to wonder, can’t she stay back inside her home? Why she is walking like this, that too during a busy time in the morning.
My mother had the answer one day, Amminiyamma’s husband was bedridden, and he could not ‘change’ his habit of having a cup of hot tea in the morning from the tea shop at road end. She was going to buy that “saviour tea” for him, every day. Still, can’t her daughter buy that for him? That question remained in my mind, unanswered.
Weeks and months passed by, with Amminiyamma coming across my “busy path” occasionally. Covid changed lives, including mine. I eventually ended up having the job of a coordinator of virtual education with an NGO, Pallium India. Palliative care was an entirely new concept to me, and during the interview, I had gone through details in their website, just enough to land me on the job.
On my 2nd day of the job, I was sent on a home care visit, where I saw the suffering of 6 people. One lady in particular touched my heart and soul, but here, since we are talking about Amminiyamma here, I will say only about her. The visit made me think, why she was buying the tea for her husband herself, when she herself seemed to be so frail and weak?
My so-called “reluctance” prevented me from having an open conversation with her. My life was like that, conveniently avoiding the sufferings ‘around me’ till the time I joined Pallium.
Days went by, and I was slowly learning many aspects of “total care”.
No, I could not control myself anymore, and so, one fine day, I deliberately started walking besides Amminiyamma, as she was heading for the tea shop. At that moment, I realised, I had not thought how I am going to start the conversation with her.
God’s plan was different. She looked at me and smiled in the most beautiful way, and asked, “mol innu irangan thaammasicho?”(did you start late today, dear?).
The meaningful conversation which would change my perspective about many things started from there.
The walking was her coping mechanism. She loved her husband so dearly that she believed, the tea was what was keeping him alive. Also, she used to share all her matters with the lady who was at tea-shop, just like to a daughter.
Out of curiosity, I asked, how were things during lockdown. The tea shop was not functioning, that I knew. Amminiyamma smiled and said, “angerkk ath ariyillayirunallo”(he didn’t know that). She has been preparing the tea herself during those days, and then went out and came back with the tea as if prepared by the tea shop lady.
Oh God! She can never make tea with same taste everyday like a professional tea maker, that was sure, but I had no option to find out.
As days advanced, I had become so comfortable seeing the “other perspectives”, and so when chance came, I took some sweets made on a festival day and paid a visit to Amminiyamma’s house. Her husband, Maniyan(name changed) was equally welcoming.
In casual talk, I mentioned how I knew about his love for the tea from Tea shop at road end. He checked if his wife was near, and confirming that she was in the kitchen making black tea for me, he said, ”It was really hard during covid. Ammini used to make tea and served me as if it was from the shop. Poor soul, she thought I didn’t knew the difference. I never wanted her to be more sad or suffer more for me”
That was my answer! True love and understanding, amidst all the problems they were going through, together. Amminiyamma and Maniyan uncle showed me, how families face even small situations like these, together, successfully! It was the true essence of total care for me.
I stilll see her occasionally, but not as a hindrance anymore; and I also share a good relation with everyone in their family. My perspective had changed, and so had my vision. It is clearer now, me well aware the road ahead is very long.
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Sree is currently working as Assistant manager-virtual education with Pallium India. “I belong to Trivandrum, the capital city of God’s own country, Kerala.” sreepriyaramaswamy@gmail.com
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