“I could finally be Sal’s wife again instead of just her carer” 

June marks LGBTQ+ Pride Month, a time to celebrate, advocate, and stand in solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community. Sue Ryder is proud to provide inclusive palliative care and grief support, ensuring dignity and respect for every person.

Two people who experienced this care firsthand were Sally Nicholson and Hiedi Stoakes, both from Bradford. The couple met in August 2015, and just six weeks later, Sal was diagnosed with breast cancer. While she recovered, the cancer returned in 2020, and she was given just weeks to live.

In the final stages of her life, Sal was cared for at Sue Ryder Manorlands Hospice. Hiedi describes this time as a gift, she recalled what the support from the hospice meant to her: “From the minute we walked in, I felt like I could breathe. I could finally be Sal’s wife again instead of just her carer.”

Right beside Sal’s side throughout her journey, Hiedi reflected on the period after Sal’s cancer returned:

“In January 2021, Sal was told she had approximately six weeks to live. The next day, we went to the registry office, and the following day, we got married. My memories of the day were mixed; it was happiness that we were getting married, but getting Sal through the day was tough.

“Sal started immunotherapy, and incredibly, it started to work straight away. It was like a new lease of life. Sal didn’t have a bucket list. She said she just wanted to fall in love for the first time, real true love, and that’s what I felt we had. I could be completely myself with Sal.”

During the time that Sal was being cared for in Sue Ryder Manorlands Hospice, there is a particularly poignant moment that Hiedi recalled: “Sal had a single bed, and I had a reclining chair, an arrangement that felt challenging for us. A dedicated team of nurses arranged a double bed so I could sleep beside Sal and hold her hand. At no point did I feel that just because we were a same sex couple that our relationship meant any less than any other; we couldn’t have been treated any better.”

Sue Ryder’s dedication to equity and inclusion extends beyond individual experiences. The charity’s Rainbow Badge Scheme, launched in 2023, trains team members in LGBTQ+ identities, terminology, and allyship – creating a safe and welcoming space for everyone. To date, 1,775 Sue Ryder colleagues have completed their Rainbow Badge.

This year, Sue Ryder is embracing the theme of Pride Month, ‘equality without exception’, and encourages West Yorkshire residents to join them in attending York Pride on 7 June, and Leeds Pride on 20 July, standing proudly alongside LGBTQ+ patients, staff, volunteers, and supporters.

Jayde Newman-Jones, Inclusion, Diversity, and Wellbeing Manager at Sue Ryder, said: “The evidence that LGBTQ+ people have disproportionately worse health outcomes is compelling and consistent. At Sue Ryder, we are committed to providing expert, compassionate care to all individuals while visibly standing with the LGBTQ+ community. Joining a Pride march is an important step in continuing this work.”

Sal died on 31 August 2023 aged 53, and Hiedi has since dedicated a silver-coloured leaf with Sal’s name engraved, which hangs on the Sue Ryder Manorlands Hospice Memory Tree. Hiedi concluded: “Sal and I had come across the Memory Tree during our time together in the hospice gardens, and we both thought it was such a beautiful idea. The Memory Tree, set in such a peaceful and beautiful location, gives everyone a place to go to and remember Sal.”

For more information on Sue Ryder Manorlands Hospice visit www.sueryder.org/manorlands

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At Sue Ryder, we can’t make life’s most difficult moments easy, but we can carry some of the load. For more than 70 years, we have been a source of strength and support for anyone living with a life-limiting illness or grief.

Dying and grief are universal experiences, but too many people face them alone. We are a safe and reassuring hand you can reach for. From providing care and support for someone at the end of their life to helping someone manage their grief, we know there is no one size fits all when it comes to how we cope and the help we need. We campaign for everyone who is approaching the end of their life or grieving to have access to the right support, at the right time. And we seek to break down the barriers to talking about dying and grief – so we can all be better prepared and better equipped to be there for each other.