46-year old Julia Alleyne from Bedfordshire prepares to scale the highest mountain in Wales and England at night in memory of her dad, Michael Barrett.
“I wanted to give a little something back,” shares Julia as she speaks ahead of the challenge she will be taking on in June. “I want to raise money so that Sue Ryder can continue the invaluable support they provide.”
It was the support Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice in Bedfordshire gave to her dad and family which inspired Julia to sign up for the night-time mountain trek.
“All of the care Sue Ryder provided; the advice and support allowed us to be able to spend our last few weeks with dad and talk, laugh and share memories. Family visited and everything felt calm, especially in the last few days.
“The conversations, kisses and cuddles were so, so precious and I feel so fortunate to have had that time. We all do.”
Julia’s dad, Michael, was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2019 and Julia says it was already advanced. As Michael’s cancer progressed, he was referred to Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice for support.
“When Sue Ryder came into our lives they provided practical as well as emotional support, and mum could ring them whenever she needed.
“During dad’s last few months, we were unaware how much the cancer had taken hold. He was taken into hospital a couple of times, and seemed to start to deteriorate quickly. We were confused. We didn’t understand why this was happening? Was it just a phase? Did the medication require changing to ‘perk him up’ again?
“Our Sue Ryder Nurse, Emma, stepped in. She came to see dad and us and helped us to understand what was happening. Dad was so scared and it was now all about making him comfortable, being there and taking care of him, as he had us all our lives.”
Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice worked with Julia and her family to make arrangements so Michael could be cared for at home.
“It was overwhelming, scary and shocking that we were at this stage and this was happening to our dad, mum’s husband,” shares Julia. “Sue Ryder talked though what all the different types of medication were for and how it could be tweaked if dad felt agitated or in more pain.”
“They talked us through what would need to happen to make dad comfortable. They organised a hospital bed for dad’s room, for personal care items and everything was explained to us. Nurses were arranged to attend twice a day to support the administration of dad’s medication to keep him pain free.
“I took great interest in this and carefully monitored dad and when the nurses came round I discussed in detail with them how he had been and what medication he would need more of and less of. They all listened and ‘worked with me’.
“They were so caring and in fact I looked forward to seeing them and being able to talk to them about everything.”
Julia says Sue Ryder was there for them whenever they needed support – no matter what time of day or night.
“Myself and mum would be up with dad most nights caring for him,” Julia shares. “And we were able to ring the Palliative Care Hub throughout the night if something wasn’t right with dad or he was in pain and needed extra medication.”
“On Monday 22nd March we were all knackered and the thought of being up with dad for another night was something my mum and myself felt would be a struggle,” shares Julia. “A night nurse was arranged to sit with dad so that we could get some sleep. She arrived at 9.30pm and she was lovely and put our minds at rest that dad was in safe hands.
“We went to bed to try and get some sleep. Just after 10pm she called us. Dad was taking his final breaths. Mum was with him and myself and my brother, Paul. Dad passed so peacefully and it felt so serene and calm. My dad had gone, I didn’t want him to be, but I felt so privileged to be part of his passing.”
“The days after are a massive blur as anyone in that situation can vouch for. Nothing will ever feel like it was before and the grief was and still is insurmountable.
“My dad was my absolute hero, and my brothers would agree. I was completely a daddy’s girl. My dad and mum had been together since dad was 14 and he died at 75. He was the most caring man, he loved his grandchildren and they worshipped him.”
“As you can appreciate losing dad has left a massive void in all our lives and it’s the first time my mum has been on her own. The pain is incredible.”
Julia says she felt the need to speak about her dad and how she was feeling. It was at this point she was put in touch with Sue Ryder’s bereavement support.
“I was put in touch with a Sue Ryder grief counsellor and I had weekly sessions with her. She helped me so much. She was kind, thoughtful and put me at ease. She made me understand death a bit better and showed a genuine interest in dad, who he was and why we all idolise him so.
“The support I received was invaluable, much like the support from the Sue Ryder Nurses that visited and helped with the practical care and the emotional care. We laughed and joked and we sat and chatted.”
Julia says it was this care which has led her to scale England and Wales’ highest mountain at night.
“For the care teams at Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice who supported us in caring for dad at home and making that last week of his life so very special to us as a family. There are no words of thanks that would be enough.”
“I will climb Snowdon at night with my husband, Richard, to raise funds,” shares Julia. “My husband has been my rock and he will be by my side in climbing this mountain.”
To donate to Julia’s fundraising visit https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/TeamAlleyne
To take on Snowdon at Night with Sue Ryder like Julia and her husband, www.sueryder.org/support-us/fundraise/events/snowdon-by-night
For more information on Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice visit www.sueryder.org/stjohns
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Lead Picture: Julia is climbing Snowdon at night in memory of her father, Michael, and to raise for Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice who helped care for him. At Julia’s side on her mountain night hike will be her husband, Richard, also pictured.
About Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice:
Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice is located in Moggerhanger, Bedfordshire, and provides expert palliative care, advice and support for people who are living with life-limiting conditions, as well as supporting their families.
Our inpatient hospice provides round-the-clock assessment and specialist care to help manage patients’ symptoms. In addition to our inpatient unit, we also offer community services for people who prefer to receive palliative care at home.
Our expert team includes doctors, nurses, care assistants, physiotherapists, occupational and complementary therapists, social workers and bereavement support workers. They all work seamlessly together to support people through the most difficult times of their lives.
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