No one escapes Bereavement and Grieving in one’s own life. Either spouse has to set off with the voyage earlier leaving the other one behind. This is the reality and this is the process of journey of life. One is bound to be in the process of dying, bardo of dying according to Bhuddhist philosophy .
Though this separation and loss is heart wrenching, one has to accept the inevitability of Death.
Loneliness is now a scenario for the bereaved person in a nuclear family, the present-day vulnerable in such a social system. Previously the concept of joint family did not allow a bereaved person to feel isolated and lonely.
In addition to this the sons and daughters are staying far away from the parents because of their professional career. So when one of the parents leaves the material world, passes away, the remaining one has to face the challenge of adapting bereavement.
The life of the bereaved person is transformed into another form of life which is not same as before. To me, this transformation should be directed in a positive way – enabling him / her to live in good quality of life with dignity.
Grief haunts everyone ‘s heart but one has to adapt in one’s own way not indulging in depression, anger, denial, to be better called Healthy GRIEVING.
” The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over ‘ the loss of a loved one. You will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around this loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, Nor would want too.”— Dr Elizabeth Kubler Ross
A palliative care team can work a miracle for the bereaved person, helping them to come out of the curse of loneliness. They need support and friends who will form a sweet relationship, bonding with the bereaved family.
This is the noble mission of palliative care not only patient centric but also family centric.
I having been passing through the journey of bereavement since losing my beloved wife in 2017 . I have experienced a transformation of my life in a positive way, volunteering in the field of Palliative Care, counseling the cancer patients and caregivers, accompanying elderlies in rural sector deprived of receiving primary healthcare facilities.
I am volunteer of KOSISH the hospice. In this way I have been privileged to be in the service of helping the community in need which heals my Grief and adaptation is in the process.
Dr Pranab Basu , MA, PhD
Passionate advocate and volunteer in the field of Palliative Care, counseling the cancer patients and caregivers accompanying elderlies in rural sector.
Author of the two Books:
1) A beginner’s guide for care of the Dying, edited by Dr Pranab Basu.
2) Positive life transformation – A blessing of Bereavement. By Dr Pranab Kumar Basu.
Dear Dr. Basu,
Your words carry a profound truth — both tender and deeply philosophical. The way you have turned your personal bereavement into a source of light for others is nothing short of inspiring. You have beautifully shown how grief, when embraced with awareness and compassion, can be transformed into service, dignity, and meaning.
Your reflections on the “bardo of dying” and on healthy grieving resonate deeply — reminding us that loss is not an end, but a transition in the vast continuum of love and existence. Indeed, as you quoted Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, grief does not vanish; it reshapes us. And through your work with KOSISH, you are helping others find hope and companionship in that reshaping.
Your journey is an affirmation that healing often begins not in forgetting, but in remembering — remembering with purpose, with empathy, and with a renewed sense of giving.
With admiration and heartfelt respect,
Sibasis Mukherjee
Very nicely written.. You have transformed your bereavement to the cause of humanity. You have lead a life for others to follow. My pranams 🙏
Hi Pranab, didn’t know earlier what is “palliative care” all about till you very succinctly highlighted two major facets of life. One is bereavement and the other one is loneliness. Both may or may not be interchangeable. With gradual economic compulsion, “living alone” is no more a probability but a certainty- unless for some lucky persons like me.
However, I would like to emphasise that it’s better to be alone within oneself than staying on quarrelsome atmosphere – hobnobbing with unwilling co-members in a suffocating environment.
Thank you and stay blessed.
Arati
Hi Pranab, thank you for your very timely article.
Came to understand two important terms – bereavement and loneliness. Although both ate interchangeable one necessarily does not lead to the other.
Keep on writing.
Stay blessed.
Arati